Tomorrow, Dec 23, 2009 began as an ordinary day. I was scheduled for a "routine procedure" for a partial hysterectomy. I use the quotation marks sarcastically because it was anything but routine. Bryan, my amazing and supportive husband and mom came to be with me throughout the day. Expected to go home one day later.
Surgery was completed. I wake up, groggy, in recovery. I found myself feeling extremely fatigued and mainly confused as to why my blood pressure continued to drop several times that I would find myself telling a nurse, "I think I'm about to pass out" to which I did, several times. Little did I know that this occurred for hours. I kept hearing the words, "more blood, monitor her heart rate, a possible blood disorder, Melanie, can you hear me?" I was never in pain but I was aware enough to capture what was happening.
As my husband and mom waited, I found out later that they had yet to see me in recovery and hours had past to where Bryan finally received news that I was not doing well. He was told to call the family in and was sent to the family room and wait it out which is never a good sign. The emotions he went through during those hours break my heart so he should write about it one day.
What had occurred, which is still a mystery to me, was that I was bleeding internally and they didn't know why. Several bags of selfless blood donors later, I still was not stable so the Doctors and staff had decided that it was a life threatening circumstance and so the OR was what happened next. My second surgery of the day but this time, it was to save my life. Again, anything but "routine."
What I recall are things I requested during my episodes of passing out to my Doctor. "Can I have two things? One, to see Bryan. Two, to have Chapstick." She finally granted me those request but what I recalled per request, was completely heartbreaking. When my husband walked in, his face showed so much concern. He turned pail white. His face was keeping it together for me but I knew that he was scared. I found myself in a state of consoling him. Making small jokes. What he later told me was that when he first saw me before they wheeled me into the OR was that he was "looking at a ghost." Hence, lacking in color because of the bleeding.
My mom, two close friends, along with Bryan walked behind my gurney as they were wheeling me back to the OR. We said our "love you's, see you afterwards, you're going to do great" and then I went. Here's where I even surprised myself...
As I was being wheeled back, I began rambling scripture aloud. Now, this may not seem abnormal to most but I've always said that I am not great at memorizing scripture very well, but in this case, it was flowing out of me and alive! The words, "you will never leave me nor forsake me, you are with me every step of the way, God, I am yours" kept flowing out of me. I entered the freezing cold room, probably because I was so low on blood, that I even tried to accommodate the staff of at least 30 in the OR with me and asked them "do you want me to help you and get on the other table or are you wanting to do that" to which they responded saying, "no honey, we will take care of you." That was it. That's my memory of the moment leading up to my life saving surgery.
What does life look like for me now?
After I was moved to a room from the recovery floor, I finally got to be with Bryan again and mom never left so she walked in. It was a pretty somber moment. I was on a lot of medication plus some that made me swell like a balloon but I finally was able to speak. I didn't chat about what happened as I was processing every step. I begged my Doctor if she would let me go home Dec 24th so Santa could come and not mess up our kids Christmas from my setback. After much coercing, she succumbed. On every level, I wasn't anywhere close to being ready to go home. If anything, I should've stayed there for a week at least. My journey of healing began thereafter and has taken so far, 6 years of healing.
I've had to deal with a few minor setbacks with the aftermath of the two surgeries that day even up until today. What I do know is that I was able to see Christmas again with our family. I am able to memorize scripture, I see my thyroid issues as a gift, not a curse, I witness a miracle daily as we get another day of breathing when we wake up, I see 2K salvations have occurred this year and the numbers keep climbing at church, my marriage is treasured, my children are valued, my family and friends are adored, I see life in a whole entire way. I love life and living it and have so many things to do!
One of my sister's sent me this reminder today of what she sent out on social media 6 years ago and I was struck with every kind of emotion all over again, hence the new blog. May I never lose sight on what God has given me and why He chose to let me live on earth. I have a purpose, I have a mission. What is yours?
Here's to second chances and a fresh start for you! May you and your loved ones have mended relationships, may you be made new, may you find peace and purpose in your life and share it with others!
Merry Christmas!
(A newer) Mel
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