6 years ago...

What life means to me, now.

Tomorrow, Dec 23, 2009 began as an ordinary day. I was scheduled for a "routine procedure" for a partial hysterectomy. I use the quotation marks sarcastically because it was anything but routine. Bryan, my amazing and supportive husband and mom came to be with me throughout the day. Expected to go home one day later.

Surgery was completed. I wake up, groggy, in recovery. I found myself feeling extremely fatigued and mainly confused as to why my blood pressure continued to drop several times that I would find myself telling a nurse, "I think I'm about to pass out" to which I did, several times. Little did I know that this occurred for hours. I kept hearing the words, "more blood, monitor her heart rate, a possible blood disorder, Melanie, can you hear me?" I was never in pain but I was aware enough to capture what was happening. 

As my husband and mom waited, I found out later that they had yet to see me in recovery and hours had past to where Bryan finally received news that I was not doing well. He was told to call the family in and was sent to the family room and wait it out which is never a good sign. The emotions he went through during those hours break my heart so he should write about it one day.  

What had occurred, which is still a mystery to me, was that I was bleeding internally and they didn't know why. Several bags of selfless blood donors later, I still was not stable so the Doctors and staff had decided that it was a life threatening circumstance and so the OR was what happened next. My second surgery of the day but this time, it was to save my life. Again, anything but "routine."

What I recall are things I requested during my episodes of passing out to my Doctor. "Can I have two things? One, to see Bryan. Two, to have Chapstick." She finally granted me those request but what I recalled per request, was completely heartbreaking. When my husband walked in, his face showed so much concern. He turned pail white. His face was keeping it together for me but I knew that he was scared. I found myself in a state of consoling him. Making small jokes. What he later told me was that when he first saw me before they wheeled me into the OR was that he was "looking at a ghost." Hence, lacking in color because of the bleeding.

My mom, two close friends, along with Bryan walked behind my gurney as they were wheeling me back to the OR. We said our "love you's, see you afterwards, you're going to do great" and then I went. Here's where I even surprised myself...

As I was being wheeled back, I began rambling scripture aloud. Now, this may not seem abnormal to most but I've always said that I am not great at memorizing scripture very well, but in this case, it was flowing out of me and alive! The words, "you will never leave me nor forsake me, you are with me every step of the way, God, I am yours" kept flowing out of me. I entered the freezing cold room, probably because I was so low on blood, that I even tried to accommodate the staff of at least 30 in the OR with me and asked them "do you want me to help you and get on the other table or are you wanting to do that" to which they responded saying, "no honey, we will take care of you." That was it. That's my memory of the moment leading up to my life saving surgery.

What does life look like for me now?

After I was moved to a room from the recovery floor, I finally got to be with Bryan again and mom never left so she walked in. It was a pretty somber moment. I was on a lot of medication plus some that made me swell like a balloon but I finally was able to speak. I didn't chat about what happened as I was processing every step. I begged my Doctor if she would let me go home Dec 24th so Santa could come and not mess up our kids Christmas from my setback. After much coercing, she succumbed. On every level, I wasn't anywhere close to being ready to go home. If anything, I should've stayed there for a week at least. My journey of healing began thereafter and has taken so far, 6 years of healing.

I've had to deal with a few minor setbacks with the aftermath of the two surgeries that day even up until today. What I do know is that I was able to see Christmas again with our family. I am able to memorize scripture, I see my thyroid issues as a gift, not a curse, I witness a miracle daily as we get another day of breathing when we wake up, I see 2K salvations have occurred this year and the numbers keep climbing at church, my marriage is treasured, my children are valued, my family and friends are adored, I see life in a whole entire way. I love life and living it and have so many things to do! 

One of my sister's sent me this reminder today of what she sent out on social media 6 years ago and I was struck with every kind of emotion all over again, hence the new blog. May I never lose sight on what God has given me and why He chose to let me live on earth. I have a purpose, I have a mission. What is yours? 

   

Here's to second chances and a fresh start for you! May you and your loved ones have mended relationships, may you be made new, may you find peace and purpose in your life and share it with others! 

Merry Christmas!

(A newer) Mel

  

Forgiving…ME

Psalms 103: 1-5

"1. Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. 2. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. 3. He forgives all of my sins and heals all of my diseases. 4. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. 5. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's."

Hey friends!

Before I jump in, I want to share with you that after experiencing a journey of curiosity as to what specific thing God has in store for me and how to use my talents that HE gave me, I found a passion so deep within my core for...marriages. Faithfully, I began as a volunteer coach within the church for pre-marital or already married couples. Here's where my story begins with my very first couple that God placed in front of me to coach. Boy, it was a doozy and it could've scared me right back to fear in ever doing that again. But, it didn't. It was beautiful.

I was already informed of the pre-assessment that was given for this couple from my pastor. I had prayed for this day to come and for God to deliver me from myself and place nothing but the Holy Spirit within me speaking clearly through me throughout this journey with them. I had prepared all 5 weeks ahead of time for this one day. Next, enters (the couple).

As they walk in and we meet, I immediately felt love and compassion towards them both. They were in fact still the couple that they, before God, had said their covenant vows to. They still looked so in love but extremely wounded. I did find out that there had been a period of adultery within the one year of marriage that had taken place. After getting to know each other and feeling more comfortable with one another, I was hopeful by what appeared to be their love. Love for one another. Hopeful for healing. 

In the beginning of the 5 week session to which we would meet once a week, plus a few phone calls, emails, text, homework that I'd sent home, I finally found myself where I could ask a question. Not just a question, but THE question. I said to the wife, "have you forgiven your husband for what took place?" As she grabbed his hand, with elephant tears streaming from her beautiful face she says, "yes, yes I have forgiven him." He sat there with a big smile on his face while looking at her. Next, I said to him, "have you forgiven yourself for what you did?" He then stopped, looked at me, then drew his eyes to the side to say, "well, I mean, I'm getting there, just still dealing with what I've done to her and to our marriage." Almost in an attempt to keep that wall up because he didn't seem to know what to do from there.

We discussed so many things throughout the amazing series of, "From This Day Forward" to which my pastor, Craig Groeschel spoke to our church and now he and his wife Amy have written a book on. GET IT for your marriage or future marriage!  It is what we choose to go through for coaching and it changes lives and marriages! Restoration begins!

After many weeks pass with restorative sessions together with my sweet couple, something continued to tug at me. I had seen tears, emotions that were raw. We went over ways to refrain from reliving this event, talked about tools to use in preventing Satan to enter into his house and work, praying over each other and with each other, and even how to DATE YOUR SPOUSE no matter how long you've been married or how many children you have at home. Something was still tugging at me until I shut up and allowed the Holy Spirit to speak up and OUT through me. 

Week 5 came and while sitting with them again, I gathered my things to go over for that hour (wrapping up the session really) and then abruptly stopped to look at the husband. It was a kind of awkward moment, not gonna lie. It was coming….I just knew it.

While sitting there holding each other's hands as they often did, I looked at him and asked him again saying, "well, all I want to know is have you truly forgiven yourself yet?" Silence. Powerful silence. What happened next was simple, Jesus. The man who once felt free to do so many things in life appeared as a captive in the bondage of forgiveness and I could see it but he was fighting it and he quite possibly didn't know how to be freed by it. Tears fell from his face and it was pure joy for me because I knew what was happening. Jesus was there, wiping his tears. God was present, in the center again. The Holy Spirit was freeing him and the healing began.

His face began to swell and turn red and then God took HIS child and released him of all the bondage satan was using to tear him down and keep him from forgiving himself for doing those things to his wife who he knew was sent to him from God. I witnessed the power of the Holy Spirit in a way that I will never forget. It's as though I watched his sins be lifted from him and literally washed away forever. The amount of freedom and hope that came over him after admitting that he still hadn't forgiven himself was humbling. We sat there and prayed for him and with him to be delivered from the bondage that once had a hold of him so tightly that he was suffocating and affirmed him of the very God who created him loves and adores him and wants the very best for him and his marriage. He was MADE NEW again. So was his marriage. His wife fell in love with him in a new way. He fell in love with God and with his wife in a new way. God is love. Their marriage is restored.

This particular couple have found that instead of being victims of what once happened, they are sharing what happened as their story and journey to help other marriages who are going through or have been through the same things. They have seen that by not hiding what took place, they are allowing God to USE them to help other marriages see hope through Christ. God is their center. Their #1 is God and they are each other's #2. 

During this "first" for me with coaching, was the most memorable, beautiful, sad, hopeful, humbling thing to ever walk through with someone.  

I just know that I want to be used. Used by God. I am honored that God used me that day for His Glory. I don't ever want to NOT be used by Him. Honored that I was able to witness the power of healing that only my savior can provide. Forgiveness is a big deal. We all have or are struggling with it now. It could be a deal maker. 

Have you forgiven…..you?

Another page while on this journey together.

It's been a while friends…LISTEN, TRUST & FAITH


We last met in March, 2014. What an amazing year it was. We were so excited to have begun planting deeper roots here in Oklahoma. Maddee began digging deeper into the love of volleyball. Maylee began practicing on her new found love in playing the guitar. Bryan found himself in a place of extreme joy as a pastor. Myself, well I found myself in a time of seeking while continuing to learn the new area in Oklahoma.

Before I jump in, I want you to know some history. After going into full time ministry in 2012, we experienced several set backs in terms of trying to sell our home back in Arkansas after moving 18 hours away. Our journey began in Florida first when we found ourselves bouncing in strangers homes for 7 months who became our life savers. Feeling stable in a new state, with no address, and new job for Bryan wasn't entirely easy with two teenage daughters especially. Finally, God sold our home and we found a rental until our next big move came months later. This time, to Oklahoma. We were able to immediately move into a rental when we arrived. The years lease was near and making a decision to rent again or the possibility of a miracle to buy again. After the moves, let's just say the well was dry. Buying was looking pretty bleak if not impossible. It's funny how a tiny mustard seed of faith is what the Bible clearly says is all it takes.

After much prayer, I expressed to B in May, 2014 that we would be buying a new home. Now, you can only imagine what the face on this man looked like. He simply heard me, took a long deep breathe, and chose to continue to stare at the road while sitting at a stop light. The only thing he could mustered up was, "are we now?"

I explained to him that I knew the situation at hand with our finances being what they were. We had spent a while managing our 2 giant moves across 3 states in 2 years at the time. I knew that the chances were next to nothing even though our credit was next to perfect. The down payment plus closing cost alone put us out of the running for even the most optimistic person around! This I knew, but I had something in mind when saying it. Was it that I miraculously ran into 20k? Was it that someone just handed me this gift? Nope. What had taken place was simple to me. Faith. Trust.

Discernment, through the Holy Spirit, had spoken to me telling me that we would find a new place  near completion and be able to purchase it. That MONEY, wasn't going to be the issue.

After allowing Bryan to give me each and every scenario known to humans as to how this would not be possible at this time, ON PAPER, I began to pray through this possibility. Bryan continued to pray with me specifically for God to show us exactly the road to follow for this miracle to happen.

One afternoon, after filling out questions to numerous local realtor websites and looking for the right fit, it all came down to one day. I had filled out some simple info as to what I was looking for in a home. It then sent me to 3 local realtors that would be getting in touch with me. I never heard from anyone until a week later. What a twist that conversation was.

Basically, I spoke to this realtor and was completely honest with her in telling her about the miracle that would have to take place in order to get our home. She then tells me that we would see if we would qualify for this amazing loan that is specific to buyers with excellent credit and no money down. I thought, ok God. This is crazy. Is this too good to be true?

I immediately went to B's work to tell him the crazy possibilities and in his love for me, he listened. He also had "that look" on him again. He entertained me with the idea of going ahead and calling the broker as she mentioned for a pre approval and so he did. Continuing to pray through this, we got a call 40 minutes later saying that we needed to go find a home. We're approved. Zero money down. We will walk away with a check from the state for refunding our cost just to run the paperwork through the bank. WHAT the WHAT????

Come to find out, this realtor went to our church. The home to which I found, well the builder goes to our church along with his building manager who later revealed to us that she had been praying specifically for her new clients and finding them a home. It was the easiest arrangement in buying a home that we had ever experienced. We've bought several homes. Nothing came so easy. I was truly waiting for the brakes to throw us through the windshield yet God literally carried us through every step of the way.

Is this about how to buy a home? No. Is this about how to know the right people to get what you want?  No. It's about prayer, God, trusting, faith, listening, being advised by your closest mentors, believing, persistence, working together, praying together, and taking risk that honors God each step of the way. (I mostly did this even during the mess ups along the journey of completing the house)

We not only found a home but we found a home that was nearly completed and it just needed my personal touches.

So, do NOT allow satan to rob your dreams or your hopes. He will for sure continue to try until you buy into his lies. Trust your Savior. Have faith that He is for us not against us. Take risk when you have Christ as your leader. Look crazy to the world! Keep dreaming!!!!!

Much Love for you! Now, I'm going to go enjoy my home that we have enjoyed for four months now. Be BLESSED and receive each day as a blessing!

Romans 15:13 
"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the holy spirit." 

John 10:10
"The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."


<MEL>

Provision & Sacrifice

Hey friends. Diving in...

Provision & Sacrifice. As I woke up after a long awaited and most delightful good nights rest this week, those specific words were pounding in my head. I literally could not and still as I type this cannot get these words to stop repeating throughout my days. So, here goes to spirit & truth. I sure hope you can take it.

In the 17+ years of my amazing and adventurous marriage to B, one thing has never changed and that is to be a stay at home mom. As the kiddos are both in school now, I guess my official worldly verbiage is now a homemaker. We have always seen eye to eye as God's spirit spoke to me many moons ago and told me where to be daily and B has always agreed.

Now, let's just clear the air and say that in NO way have we ever had a substantial amount income. We have made several mistakes, had many tears, fought spiritual warfare, had doubt, fear, heartaches, and sadly the selling of B's cherry red Peavey electric guitar only to pay our electricity bill after it had already been shut off with a newborn coo-ing at home. Never did B even whine for doing that. SelfLESS. I love him.

After several years of being a believer in Christ, my journey in serving, trusting, following, and solely relying on Him really never got started until a couple of years after our wedding. How, in all of my life of being in the church each time the door opened, being a good kid growing up, or saying and doing the right things most of the time have I missed out on seeking God on a daily basis plus giving Him every part of me and relying only on His strength as I do today? This is still a reminder to do so often even now. The answers are, to me at least, provision & sacrifice.

Sacrifice---
God has seen our daily sacrifices through the personal struggles we have encountered throughout history. Maybe one of which and is the biggest struggle for us are finances. Two, denying the WANT for worldly things, or to NOT go buy something just because it's the latest and greatest or because we think we deserve it. It's simple really. We do not NEED any one thing other than Him. He is all we need. It IS enough.
Side note - I'm never a fan of the phrase, "I worked hard, so I deserve it."  The truth in that is that God chose to bless you, so give Him the Glory he deserves, not you. You'll find that you enjoy those moments more passionately and find it is much more meaningful when you don't point your finger at yourself for your glory.

Provision---
I told you about our many years of struggles financially while we are living out His will for me to be at home because of this. Never have I looked at our checking account balances and said, "man, we have so much in there that I don't even know how to act." No, that's not ever been the case. Hear me out. My marriage to B, as crazy as we are, continues to be a Godly one even during our most idiotic moments. Have we gotten sidetracked? Yep. We have messed up in so many areas but have always given God the Glory for providing us a healthy marriage and that God has forgiven us in each failure after failure and never left our side. Our incredible kids and our health are never taken for granted. God's provision has always been seen to us as what we have right here, right now and it's never been what's in a checking account nor will it ever be. See, He's our provider in every area, not just in our finances. As our pastor has said, "we are so Rich." Speaking about life in general and not of meaningless things. We are rich through Him. That's enough!
Another side note - if you do have more money than you know what to do in your checking/saving accounts, I am more than happy for you and trust that you are doing good works with it! Go God!

So, hopefully my heart will not implode now that I've gotten to express myself on here. I pray that my excitement that He has given me through this lesson never ceases. I do not ever want to overlook how God continues to provide for me or how he is blessed by the small sacrifices I make in being closer to Him. After all....He gave the ultimate sacrifice. It's time to do our part for Him.

-Mel

A New Kind of Christmas

Friends & Family:

Just as Christmas is upon us and though this past week with the senseless acts of man have effected this nation yet again, I find comfort in the one and only tangible thing that holds power and truth which is the Bible. As I turn to it and devote this week into the book of Luke, I am yet again in awe as I read 1 sentence. I know I've read this over and over before but man, this time, this week in particular it struck a new cord to me. To my heart!

Luke 1:38 after the angel appeared to Mary to tell her that God chose her to carry the very gift we need which is Jesus it says:

"Mary responded, "I am the Lord's servant. May everything you have said about me come true." And then the angel left her.

What this particular time in reading this stood out to me was that first of all, an angel appeared. Who wouldn't have been a little fearful? Mary wasn't frightened in this, in fact she was more confused after the angel declared her as the "favored woman." (Luke 1:28) Then, the angel later explained to her that she had found favor with God! (Luke 1:30)
Of course as many of you know, she obviously and gracefully went along with this plan of God and sought out His will and birthed Christ. What a gift!

Now, think about this...

How many times has the very God who created the Heavens and earth asked us to do something and we fought it tooth and nail depending on the timing, cost, sacrifice, what will other's think, selfishness? Man, have I been at fault on this one but I've been working on this very thing. Now, if Mary were to have argued on this with God, how would things have turned out? I don't want to go there but what I'm trying to say is that the bigger picture was that she didn't! She did exactly what the angel told her via God's command and went forth in spite of the ridicule, shame, embarrassment, pain, what people thought yet put her wants/desires/dreams/life on hold to seek out God's plan and realized that of course it was the PERFECT PLAN ALL ALONG! She chose to serve HIM just like He chose for her to carry HIM! He chooses US to be His children! WHOA!!! We are treasures in HIS eyes!

Mary is the Hero in this case. She carried that boy (future Savior of the world), bathed him, fed him, nurtured him, loved him, taught him, put her wants aside for our King and ultimately for our future with our Creator! Thank you Mary!!! This to is what it felt like for me in particular in carrying our "gifts" which are our girls. Just another blessing that I'm guilty of taking for granted. Yet, in spite of that, God still graces me with unconditional love. Not only that but they are believers and sisters in Christ, good grief many reasons to CELEBRATE PEOPLE!

So, this Christmas especially this Christmas, please don't treat this time the same as the previous years. Look deeper into the lives God has gifted you with. See them as when Christ saw each of us with his dying breath. Change our ways for HIS ways. Put all of our selfishness aside for GOOD, not just for one day. See people as His Children. See the LOVE that only He has taught us.

Praises to our King! Thank you God for all of the blessings given freely to me! I do not take you for granted and my prayer is that with this particular lesson that the Holy Spirit revealed to me was not one that I will forget but one that I will SHARE for your Kingdom.

Merry Christmas sweet family & friends from the Hill's. If you have Christ living in your heart, don't breathe another breath with hate or grudges or that your way is the only way cuz' it will only cause glory to Satan. You have the opportunity to be made new. Forget traditions if that's what's enabling you to receive this gift I'm writing about. Please, ask for the very gift that only Christ can give you and that's your salvation into His Kingdom. This is my prayer... 


From my family to yours, Merry Christmas

Mel

On the hunt...

Hey guys! Well, we're now on the hunt for our home here in Florida. The inspection was completed on our Arkansas home yesterday so hoping to hear back today what came of that and hoping nothing does. lol!

We have several homes here in South Florida that are either a short sale, foreclosure, and of course for sale but most of all for rent. Floridians are still trying to recover from the housing market crisis and so we have found a completely depressed market here. You would think then that it would not be of any problems finding a house right? Wrong! I'm still getting use to the styles here which are very different in many ways from what we've built in the past and that doesn't even included the space, yard size, and just really exterior and interior overall. We'll find it or else it'll find us. Homes are lovely here, just 1100 miles of a difference that we're still getting use to, but nevertheless we are getting there. After all, this is our home....

What's also going on you ask?

I am co-leading a lifegroup along with our Campus Pastor's wife Deanna starting this Thur. We're beginning a 6 week study called Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. There, we will dig into how we women "stuff, explode, or react somewhere in between during all circumstances. What do we do with those raw emotions?" I am so very excited to start this group with at least 50 women and can't wait to see what God has planned for these gals. Praying for new group leaders to come forward and begin their own lifegroup and create lasting relationships.

So, that's what's happening this week. Also, while people are experiencing a glimpse of Fall like temps, we here in South Florida are not though it is beautiful most of the time. 88 is our average temp. So, enjoy your crisp mornings and fantastical evenings sitting outside and have a terririfc week my friends! God is wanting to do something BIG in your life. Seek Him!

Love always
~Mel~

Oh WOWzer.....

Hello friends!!! I have been terrible about blogging but I intend on getting better and update you about what all is, has been, and what is ahead of the Hill family. Wow, have things been C.R.A.Z.Y!!!

First off, as I sit in what I believe is now our 6th home to live in since June (though I've lost track) I am ever more grateful to the amazing people that have been so open in allowing our family to find rest in their homes during the attempts to sell our home. There really are no words of the amount of appreciation we have in these precious people.

So.....April 15th, 2012. Bryan's official first day on staff as the Associate Pastor over LifeGroups/LifeMissions at LifeChurch.tv in Wellington, Florida. Yep, no longer a banker, which has been his career for 17 years. WHAT????

So, as many of you know or didn't know, we have served as volunteers in ministry for more than 12 years full time. Through that time, we focused on growing spiritually during the good, bad, and ugly seasons of life. If we weren't at the church, we were on our way to the church. If we weren't on a call with someone from the church, we were with someone from the church.  You get my point. We have actively been involved in the church for some time now! I remember Maddee just being born and Bryan was asked to pray about joining the worship band. This was a lifelong dream of his stemming from his love for 80's music mainly as a kid, but after accepting this position in the band, it became the very turning point for our family and in his leadership for our family. (side note: he is SOOO good on the bass, aka Tangerine)

After some time serving, those that really knew Bryan and I had already made their own assumption that one day he would commit his life to ministry however we thought they were just smokn' the funny stuff and so we just kept making light of it.

Fast forward to last year around July, we had each been feeling something big that God was doing in our lives and it called for a drastic step in obedience which was to leave the very church that we helped start with the very best of friends and their children to go and focus on what exactly God had in store for us. Blown away from that realization and painfully doing just that, we were obedient and indeed left and began a time of pulling away from all that we've known throughout our times during volunteer ministry. Not to mention, our children's lives when this was all they've known. HARD TIMES they were emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically, etc!

Fast forward to now and you already may have heard about the craziness that God later revealed to us in HIS perfect way which was to step out and GO into a full time pastor role in a church.

Now, I all capsed the word "GO" for a reason and here it is....

During the season of the unknown that we experienced, we specified in our prayers for God to reveal to us wherever and whenever for us to GO and do his work. Our narrow-minded heads never thought it would be where we are today because that's how God operates. It's ALWAYS bigger and better that our tiny minds can fathom. His plans are always good and perfect. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He said, "GO!" As crazy as it sounds, just like when Jesus walked down to the waters and said to the fisherman, "get up, leave your things behind and just come and follow me." We did just that. Was it easy? Did we know what trials were ahead of us? Has it been easy? The real answer is NO!

I strongly believe that because we did go, he has been using that act of obedience to build us up and make us stronger in faith. Trusting Him each and every step of the way. Literally. Surrendering each fear, sadness, frustration, hurt, weariness, anger, displacement to him at the very foot of the cross to which my Jesus bled and died yet defeated Satan by rising up from the grave for me.

I'm preaching, I know. I just can't help it!

So, please hear me when I say that I completely understand the fear of the unknown. I get it! However, I never understood the meaning of "lay all of your burdens down and find rest in the Lord" until this very experience. I thought I did. I thought I surrendered it all to him in my walk until it was HE to which it was all I had to turn to. No more Mel and Bryan figuring things out, yet literally rely solely on HIM for it all!!!

I pray that in the midst of your unknown, you will surrender everything to him. It isn't easy to let down your controling wall but you have to! Allow the Creator of All things be your guide. There is no one who loves you more nor wants to see you succeed in all that you do more than He does. Be real, he already knows your burdens, just trust in him to carry you through them.

PS...We are still trying to sell our home in Arkansas as of today. It's been 4 months now. I haven't stopped believing in Him, in fact trusting in God is all we have for hope. I pray you get there as well in your situation.

I love you,

Mel